Till Death Do Us Part

"… in sickness and in health, till death do us part"

I was at an childhood friend’s wedding yesterday. It was wonderful, meeting up with old friends, seeing so many of them already having beautiful partners of their own, and most importantly, celebrating the union of my good old buddy with his life partner. I wish him and his lovely wife the best.

Wedding vows are sacred. But it is sad to see the current high rate of divorce in our society. Perhaps not as bad as some other countries, but in my native Malaysia, more than 15% of people who get married eventually get divorced. What gives?

While I think a lot of marriages fail because one or both parties are just not really committed to making it work, there a whole lot of other people out there too who are sincere and try, only to see their marriage and relationships break down.

A very wise person once told me: ‘Don’t think that marriage solves relationship problems; it only amplifies them’. Which brings me to my point. Too many of us tend to rush when it comes to matters of the heart. From jumping into a relationship when barely knowing a stranger, to moving in together too quickly, to overlooking critical character defects, people do all sorts or rash things when in love.

For those who are into long-term relationships and eventually marriage: I believe dating should be a process of two people getting to know each other, assessing whether they are right for each other and seeing whether they can spend their lives together. High standards and a level head are important. While butterflies in the stomach might get in judgement’s way for awhile, time is a great friend. For when all the initial euphoria and excitement fades, that’s when two people can start to see deep into each other's characters.

I wish that everyone who got together could have a happy fairytale ending, but life is never ideal. There will always be risks, and yes risks need to be taken in love. But if people were more careful and selective, perhaps we would see a lot more lasting and happy marriages.

Mental Action Point: Keep high standards if you’re on the lookout for a partner, for character doesn’t easily change. Overlooking critical character flaws could just come back to haunt one day in the future.

The small Things

"Watch your thoughts, for they become your words; Watch your words, for they become your actions; Watch your actions, for they become your habits; Watch your habits, for they become your character; Watch your character for it becomes your destiny" -anonymous (Gandhi?)-

I was talking to an old friend last night about New Year resolutions and realized that it's already mid-October. 2 months to go and another new year beckons. How have you fared with this year's new year resolutions?

I find it sobering that the average person (assuming a 70 year life span) only has just over 25000 days to live before it's time to go. Yet, we're often so busy with our lives that our days and months just slip away quickly without us accomplishing much. There are giants among us, whose relentless drive and iron will bring them much success and achievement. But for the rest of us mortals, sometimes we're just too tired at the end of the day to even think of improving our lives in any way.

Here's where I believe the mind and the small things are important. Our lives can be improved over time by firstly setting our minds on a goal, and then taking simple baby steps towards that goal everyday. By having a goal, our subconscious mind starts looking out for opportunities that might eventually lead towards achieving it. And taking small steps is easy, relatively painless, but will definitely reap benefits over time.

A simple example: Brad feels shy and uncomfortable talking to women. So he writes down his goal as to overcome shyness and to be able to talk to women his age without feeling overly nervous. He starts working towards his goal by simply saying hello to his neighbors every morning...

Have a wonderful, achieving final few months of the year.

Simple Action Point: Decide everyday that you want to improve yourself and get better at your relationships/dating life (or anything else you want). Your thoughts subconsciously control your behavior, and ultimately your destiny. While thoughts without action is never enough, setting the right mindset puts you on the right path towards achieving your goals. And if you're prepared to take action, you'll find you can change your life.

Beauty and the BMW

"Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it" -Confucius-

Here's something fundamental to think about: First impressions. 

The whole attraction process may be complicated, but it all starts with that first glance, look or interaction. Mental images of a person are created very quickly once any interaction is made. The bad news is that if that mental image is not the desired one, it takes a lot to change that image. On the other hand, once a great first impression is made, it sets the right stage for any future progress.

Impressions count. Men are visual creatures. It may sound shallow and superficial but at first, men are attracted by physical beauty.

What to do? A little effort in dressing up and firming up always brings the boys to the yard.

The rules change a little though for women. Yes, women too are attracted to physical beauty, but how many times have you seen a totally gorgeous 10/10 babe out with a plain looking guy? There are a lot of things women notice initially about a guy. While men are usually very simply either breast or leg men, women (consciously or unconsciously) may check out things like height, dressing, posture, cleanliness, tidiness, shoes, type of car, eye contact and voice tone. I've settled on the word status to loosely describe these. Just like how men initially are attracted by looks, women are initially attracted by men they perceive to have high status.

What to do? Practice traits and behaviors of a high status man, like standing straight, holding eye contact, speaking confidently and dressing well. It'll help in other aspects of life as well, such as career. If you drive a BMW, make sure it's clean.

Of course relationships are a lot more than just outer appearances. I strongly believe that personalities show through over time, and those are what really make or break a relationship. That being said, it would never hurt one's dating life to put on a more attractive appearance everyday. Marketing a product well is often as important as having a great product.

Extremely Simple Action Point: Smile more. Works for everyone. A sincere smile makes a person look approachable, happy and positive; all of which are wonderful for raising attraction in the opposite sex :) (Unless of course you already have too many admirers and want to lose some)