Till Death Do Us Part

"… in sickness and in health, till death do us part"

I was at an childhood friend’s wedding yesterday. It was wonderful, meeting up with old friends, seeing so many of them already having beautiful partners of their own, and most importantly, celebrating the union of my good old buddy with his life partner. I wish him and his lovely wife the best.

Wedding vows are sacred. But it is sad to see the current high rate of divorce in our society. Perhaps not as bad as some other countries, but in my native Malaysia, more than 15% of people who get married eventually get divorced. What gives?

While I think a lot of marriages fail because one or both parties are just not really committed to making it work, there a whole lot of other people out there too who are sincere and try, only to see their marriage and relationships break down.

A very wise person once told me: ‘Don’t think that marriage solves relationship problems; it only amplifies them’. Which brings me to my point. Too many of us tend to rush when it comes to matters of the heart. From jumping into a relationship when barely knowing a stranger, to moving in together too quickly, to overlooking critical character defects, people do all sorts or rash things when in love.

For those who are into long-term relationships and eventually marriage: I believe dating should be a process of two people getting to know each other, assessing whether they are right for each other and seeing whether they can spend their lives together. High standards and a level head are important. While butterflies in the stomach might get in judgement’s way for awhile, time is a great friend. For when all the initial euphoria and excitement fades, that’s when two people can start to see deep into each other's characters.

I wish that everyone who got together could have a happy fairytale ending, but life is never ideal. There will always be risks, and yes risks need to be taken in love. But if people were more careful and selective, perhaps we would see a lot more lasting and happy marriages.

Mental Action Point: Keep high standards if you’re on the lookout for a partner, for character doesn’t easily change. Overlooking critical character flaws could just come back to haunt one day in the future.