Breakup Season

Image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

"And now that we're here, it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
And I can't forget, that I'm not ashamed
To be the person that I am today"-Staind 'So Far Away'-

Tonight's post is a little personal.

Is it breakup season right now? Quite a few of my friends have been breaking up recently. And it happened to me too. I read an article recently, stating that breakups tend to spike just before the festive season and Valentine's Day. Why? I don't know... Aside from the financial benefits of saving significantly on Christmas and Valentine's Day presents maybe?

When I started writing this blog a few months ago, I really intended to contribute towards dating/relationsip advice on the Net. No doubt there's a glut of advice out there (including a lot of rubbish), but I thought I could help others by sharing my own personal perspective. I believed that being happy in my relationship somehow 'qualified' me to give advice. Forgive me for being egotistical and condescending. One of the things I've learnt from my own breakup is that noone has all the answers, least of all me.

But I will continue to write.

This post is for you. You who went through that break up. And for me too. Don't we all love to see a wonderfully happy couple that made it through thick and thin and seem destined to be together forever? And also the old couple that made their marriage last over decades till death did them part. Sweet. Wonderful eternal love. I still believe in that. I still believe in that while realizing it may never happen for some. And while realizing that some may never want that kind of love anyway. And while realizing that for some, that love may only come at the end of a road lined with heartbreaks and breakups.

Breakups hurt. I know. I feel you. I'm with you. But perhaps ten years from now we'll look back and realize, that it was not just the only way, but it was the best way.

What are we but the sum of all our experiences, habits, loves and hates? While the past has made you the person you are today, it doesn't have to affect your future in any way you don't want. So make your peace, and realize that there's a whole wonderful future out there that is yours to live. Whether you're single or attached today, it may not be your choice, but it is your reality. Whichever it is, I'm happy for you. Be happy for you too.

[A bit of good news to lift the season - About a week ago a dear friend of mine told me she just got together with her new boyfriend. While I've been waiting for it for quite awhile now, I'm happy it's finally official. I wish you the best Sue]

Food For Thought

Not in the best frame of mind to write anything right now, but I love the article below and think there's a lot to take from it (Do note it's 18+ & NSFW)

http://www.practicalpickup.com/tales-of-three-lays-part-three

Go Love Someone

Image: kongsky / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

"You can give without loving, but you cannot love wihtout giving" -Amy Carmichael-

Among many things I've been called before, some of the most popular ones are 'Idealistic', 'Dreamer' & 'Skema', but it's Valentine's day, so indulge me a little.

I think we live in a cold world. Perhaps it's social conditioning and bad experiences, but most people are cold, blocked by a wall of ice to prevent themselves from the potential of getting hurt. How did we get here? We are social creatures, meant to share in the blessings of warm loving relationships.

There's been a bit of controversy recently about Valentine's Day celebrations in Malaysia, supposedly celebrating Valentine's Day might be immoral and it's a practice of a certain religion. While I will refuse to criticize anyone or comment about religion and culture, I cannot for the life of me understand why a day to celebrate love should be deemed immoral. Wouldn't the world be a much better place if there was much more love around?

Perhaps our definition of Valentine's Day and love has been skewered by the perception that it's only for couples and lovers and it must be accompanied by over-priced flowers, excessive romantic dinners & arguably immoral activities after dinner. Can we define love by such a narrow view? Maybe that's why so many singles actually dread Valentine's Day.

(With all due respect to those who say that Valentine's Day is everyday and we they should treat their partner special everyday) I think the idea of a special day to celebrate love is a wonderful thing. And that love doesn't have to be just between a boy and a girl in a relationship. What about family and dear friends?

I don't know your parents, but unless they believe that Valentine's Day is a pagan and immoral celebration, I think they'd be happy if their children made an effort to celebrate and spend some time with them. Heck, I think they'd be touched with just a card or a phone call.

So what if you're single, searching for the right one but can't find him/her and the festivities just make you feel miserable? Try giving freely of yourself and your attentions to someone who needs it more than you do. Make someone less fortunate happy, or go cheer up some other lonely soul. In the idealistic happiness model, true happiness is found in giving oneself to serve others. And in the idealistic dating theory model, those who find contentment within themselves become incredibly attractive to others and soon find that love comes calling.

Happy Valentine's day. Go love someone.

The Everyday Man's Creed

By Wikipedia Loves Art participant "shooting_brooklyn" [CC-BY-SA-2.5], via Wikimedia Commons

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While I may not be rich I must have ambition

What I lack in talent I will make up by action

While I may not be handsome I will be well groomed

What I lack in physique I will make up in the gymroom

While I may not be smooth I will practice speaking

What I lack in knowledge I will make up through learning

While I may not be sure I will ask for the number

What I lack in style I will make up being bolder

When I am fearful that's when I will act

I will not allow rejections to hold me back

I will bring value to all my interactions

I will lead them beyond satisfaction 

To this end I must believe and strive

Be a better man each day I'm alive

So will the magic of attraction thrive

And thus will I be the prize

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The Living Soul

 Image: luigi diamanti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

'It's the heart afraid of dying, that never learns to dance; It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance; It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give; And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live.' - Bette Midler

How's the new year gone so far? Made any resolutions? Or... perhaps broken one already?

The truth is, everybody fumbles and falls sometimes. I was thinking of writing a whole list of new year resolutions for improving one's love life, but some recent events have taught me best laid plans don't necessarily succeed. So today I'm just here to encourage you. [We'll leave the preaching and 'top 10 ways to make her smile' for another day] Wherever you are, and whatever position you may be in right now, it's alright if things are not going as intended.

It's really OK.

Sometimes we tend to be a little too harsh on ourselves, especially in matters of the heart. So if you need to, take that bit of time, cry a little, and be still. Just never give up trying for something better later.

This year, I hope you'll take chances, dance, give & take and truly live. And I hope that there's that special someone beside you all the way too.

Happy New Year