In The Beginning

"And the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet for him'... And the rib which the LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman and brought her unto the man." -Genesis 2, The Bible-

We've been around for a long time haven't we? Male, and female that is. Somehow as a species we've managed to reproduce for thousands of years (at least), yet a lot of us have difficulty understanding the opposite sex. Complaints I hear everyday range from 'I just don't understand what my partner wants' to 'women are crazy' to the simple 'men (sigh)' (said in the most dismissive tone possible). There are the fairytale romances and happy endings, but sadly there are a just lot more people out there who are dissatisfied with their love/dating lives.

Consider the idea that it is very possible for a person to become much better at this aspect of their life. It might take a lot of patience, effort and labor but just like everything else worth doing in life, success/mastery does not come easily. People often say phrases like 'just be yourself' and 'stop reading/doing stuff like that, it's fake and pretentious' when they see someone consciously trying to improve their love lives. I believe this is flawed thinking. Do you remember back when you were a little kid and you did something wrong that made a friend/sibling cry? Did your infinitely wiser mom say 'Oh don't worry. Just be yourself, we'll hope things work out well between you two', or did she say '[insert name]! That's horrible! I never want to see this kind of behavior again. Go apologize to your friend/sibling.' And so, over the years, through our wiser elders and practice, we got better at social/relationship skills until we could get along with others in society.

In the same way, there are good and bad practices that will either enhance or diminish our success in love. And yes, it is still possible to retain one's personality while improving their relationship skills. (Unless of course, the personality traits themselves are making the person unsuccessful. In that case it would probably be wise to change the personality). No matter what's the level of your dating/relationship skills, they can be worked on and improved.

Action point: Spend some time thinking and doing something simple to improve your skills every week. Examples: If you're in a relationship - write your partner something sweet, if you're single and looking - say hi to a beautiful stranger, if you're single and not looking - call up an old friend for a meal.

It'll be worth it.