Scarcity

"Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other.

Even lovers need a holiday, Far away from each other"

-Chicago, 'Hard to Say I'm Sorry'-

If you're an attractive female reader, do you remember how a typical clueless guy tries to convince you to like/go out on a date with him? Well usually he starts by messaging & calling you all the time. Then, if you do go out with him, he calls you even more, tries to impress you with his stories and might even start bombarding you with gifts. If you're lucky enough to get someone who's 'in touch with his feelings', he might even start declaring his undying love for you (nevermind the fact that he's only known you for 2 weeks). While some of you might like the attention/surprises, eventually you do get bored of the constant smothering and end up invisible on your msn/yahoo messenger, and start ignoring the calls and messages. Sound familiar?

There are many lessons to be learned here. However lets focus on the concept of scarcity. Just like in economics, when something is scarce/not easily obtainable, its value rises. Think of your time & efforts everyday as being a valuable resource. If you choose to spend all your time and efforts mindlessly pursuing a person, your value in his/her eyes typically plummets. This has the unwanted effect of making you look predictable and boring. It's not about playing games or playing hard-to-get. Just that a person becomes so much more attractive when he/she has a vibrant, interesting life on his/her own. And when that said attractive person comes along and offers you a chance to be part of that interesting life, would you say no? Compare that with someone who acts like a desperado, constantly begging you to illuminate his life with your presence, because it's all dark in there without you.

Someone once wrote to 'give her space to fall'. True. Another author wrote something along the lines of 'A person doesn't fall in love with you when you're together having fun. She falls in love with you when you're apart; she's missing you, thinking of you, and wondering if you're thinking of her.' True? I'd say so.

Scarcity is not neglect. If two people are in a relationship, the rules obviously change. Spending more time together is a necessity for two people to grow in a relationship, and love each other more. However, new couples often make the mistake of spending too much time with each other and neglecting other people/areas of their lives. Instead of enriching their lives with new people and experiences, their social circles become smaller and smaller, leaving only them in it at the end. It is perfectly natural to feel like spending every single moment of the day with the one you love, but some time apart allows each person to grow as individuals, become more interesting and ultimately make the relationship healthier. After all, it is a great feeling to miss your loved one for a little while, and then meet him/her in a warm embrace.

Action Point: Spend some time on a new hobby that's positive and productive. Pick up a new language, work out at a gym, or just expand your knowledge by reading up on your favorite subject. It'll make you more interesting and attractive.